What is She Saying? (I Don't Know Either)

On Wednesday I left the town of Madisonville and headed to Holiday World...for those of you who don't know...it is an amusement park in Santa Claus, Indiana...I used to go there all the time when younger...I always loved it...

I spent the day with high school students...not much of a change from the usual...I had so much fun with these kids...they were an interesting bunch...we rode rides and had a blast...

The trip home was funny...I had two couples thinking I was spying on them...which I totally wasn't...but as I sat there I thought that they probably thought I was crazy...of course I always thought that people feel that way about me...I hope I'm not too crazy...people reading this probably think that I am crazy because I am kind of tired...and none of this is really making sense to me...so...am I crazy...???

I love anyone who reads this...you guys are amazing...

Jess

This is the Story of a Girl

When I think about my life and where it has taken me I realize that I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I love where the twists and turns have lead me. It isn't always easy to understand why we go through the things we do at the moment we are facing them...but each moment has been a lesson learned. I have learned to love, to forgive, to push through even when I feel like giving up and to accept the twists and turns as they come. I don't pretend to understand all that I have faced...I remember when being an adult was something we only dreamed of...when our worlds seemed so small...and now I look around and all I see is possibility...

I am so excited about my life...about where God is taking me and the journey I am on to get there...Did I think things would be different...well of course I did...I think that there are many times when we imagined something only to realize it wasn't the right time for that to be in our lives...

I talked to an old friend of mine today and told her that being single isn't as bad as I thought it would be...or have thought that it was...I love being single...I love that I am my own person and that I choose not to change for anyone...no matter how hot he is...

Learn to love yourself...learn to love your life...God has you where you are for a reason...make the most of it...and when you least expect it...all your dreams will begin to fall in to place...I can't wait for my dreams to come true...but I know that waiting just means something amazing is going to happen...

Happiness of Being Home

I think sometimes it is the simple things in life that make us appreciate what we have. Today has been a day of simple pleasures...and tonight has been a night filled with laughter...I don't know what it is about being home that makes the goofiness in me come out...now...many of you may think that you have seen goofy Jessica...but just ask my cousins and they will tell you that you haven't seen nothin'

I sat at the table tonight laughing so hard that tears were coming to my eyes and I asked why people feel the need to get drunk when they can feel the high I got tonight just from enjoying my family...add my craziness in there and you have a riot session. I laughed at everything...we now have this new inside joke and everytime I see the color pink...or hear someone say it I will reverently think of Barry Manilow...LOL

I love my family...I got my cousin a birthday card...and on the outside it said...Just think about what it means to be a part of this family!...on the inside...And try to have a happy birthday anyways...LOL...I loved it...and so did she...man our family is amazing...and horrible all at the same time...I guess you would have to be a part of it to truly understand...

Anyways...on with this greatness of being at home...so tonight I got to go to Christian Assembly...which is the church that I grew up in...I love going there...it makes me miss home...but it also reminds me of where I came from...keeps me grounded...I got to see some of my youth...which in turn made me miss my youth in Florida...I thought about you guys...Amanda (who spoke tonight), Rueben, Casey, John, Christa, Candace, Andrew, Katherine, Matt, Amanda B., Jessica, Rachel, Tiffany...oh goodness...I feel like I am leaving someone out...Danielle...Jen...man...I miss you guys already...but it was great to see Tori, Patrick and Seth...I've missed you tons...

It's hard to have two homes...I belong in both so well...who knows whether or not God will be bring me back here...but I know that for this time Florida is my home...and I love her and miss her dearly...

Later Days...

This is My Choice

This may sound like a rant to some of you and possibly that is what it is. I just feel that this is something I need to say...because I had to say it this weekend and it only served to build the intensity in my stance. Being single is not something that just happened to me. This is a choice for me. Don't get me wrong...I would love to be in the right relationship with an amazing guy, but that amazing guy hasn't walked into my life yet, and until he does...this being single thing...well it is my choice.

This person I talked to this weekend...I already knew how he preceived me..."Poor Jessica...I hope I don't end up like her...25 and alone." Actually he said that to me last night...It hurt me...because he made me feel as though being single was a bad thing. I have news for you...it isn't!

Yes, there are times when I would like to have someone to share certain moments with...but I feel that this is the time in my life where I am growing as a person. I sincerely believe that I have grown over the course of this year...I have learned that there is more to life than a relationship...I have learned to forgive and move on...life is too short to hold grudges...My life is my own...and I am able to take this time and give my all to God...to truly seek His will for my life...and I wouldn't trade that for anything...not even the right relationship...

The fact is...I could choose to be in a relationship right now...there have been many times in my life where I could have chosen that...but I don't want to be in just any relationship...I want to be in the right relationship...but I want God to take care of that...and I believe that He will...there is obviously a reason He wants me to be single right now...and while I can't see it today...one day I will be able to look back and realize that God brought me down this road for a reason...

For those of you who are single...stop feeling sorry for yourself...get out there and live life...who knows...maybe while you are busy living...God will bring someone amazing your way...

For those of you who are married...don't worry about us singletons...we will be fine...you were...weren't you...let God write our love story...like He wrote yours...So many of you are an inspiration to me...keep loving one another and be an example to others...

To those of you who are too young to worry about whether you are single or in a relationship...don't let something that is meant for your future ruin your today...I look back and realize I let the thoughts of a relationship take up way too much of my time...enjoy life today...and let God handle tomorow...

Still loving my choice...
Jess

Normalcy?

I think it is funny how I either write when everything is super great or when it is super bad...but how about when life is just...life?

There really isn't much going on in my life at the moment, but I am happy...content with where my life is...I know that many times when I write in my world wide blog I go on and on about my highs and lows...but I guess it is nice to know that there are days when life is just normal...I know...it's hard to believe that Jessica could have normal related to any part of her life...but it is true...

Exciting news...I got the position at George Jenkins High School...I am so very happy about this change...I am also excited about how much God is using me recently...and my upcoming trip to Kentucky...so it's not that life isn't good...or that it isn't bad...it's just that I am looking forward to every day...

Don't let these times pass you by...remember to hold on to the greatness of normalcy...because in my experience...it usually doesn't last long...

I Just Need Someone to Listen

Do you ever have something to say, but feel as though you have no one to listen...today you are my captive audience, those who read must hear the words I'm trying to say...

Before you continue reading, know that this will not be a happy blog, know aslo that I do not want the typical "everything will be alright" comment...I just need to get this off of my chest...and as I use this as my journal...I must say what I've needed to say...because no one will listen...

All I wanted was some time to myself...that's all I wanted...no...all I NEEDED...My weeks have been full, and my weekends have been packed with things to do...I needed some alone time...time to take a break from being pleasant...time to take a break from the happy me...time to just unwind...to walk around in my underwear and sing at the top of my lungs...

As I settled in for this much needed time...underwear and all...my brother calls..."We'll be at the house in five minutes"...we being him and his roommate...so I go get dressed...and I'm thinking..."great...the dishes aren't done...the house is a wreck...I'm not wearing any clothes...I just bought food for me for the next two weeks, but nothing for these guys to eat..."

So they get there...they complain and complain...they are hungry...there is nothing to make...they make fun of the fact that I need a recipe to make something...and then...I am tired...I didn't go to bed until almost 4 the night before...and I had to wake up at 6...I was running on two hours of sleep...I needed to go to bed...So I did...thinking they were leaving...I get woken up by my brother the next morning...He needed to use my car...sure whatever...just let me go back to sleep...He gets back...his roommate sleeps all day...all they end up doing is watching movies...cool...whatever...I watched with them...I had plans for the evening...so I go to leave...they are still there...doing NOTHING!!!!!!!!! I leave...go to the mall...go to the movies...get home...they are still there...I already had plans to stay in Bartow that night...so I leave...oops...I forgot my shoes...I call my brother...ask him to bring them to me at church today...he says ok...

I wake up this morning...call him...remind him to bring me my shoes...he calls back...15 minutes before church..."we're not coming because my roommate won't wake up" and they had driven his roommate's car to the house...so they don't even go to church...I get home...they are in the exact position they were when I left the previous night...I was frustrated!!!! I mean REALLY frustrated!!!!

So then I go to Blockbuster...and then Wal-Mart...I ask them if they are going to get out of the house...if they are going to do something...I just need a couple of hours to myself...they pester me...I try to clean...they keep asking the same questions over and over and over again...they keep laughing behind my back and won't tell me what they are laughing at...I just needed a break...they wouldn't leave...no...they didn't leave until I started crying...then they were like...oh let's leave...

And now they are gone...and all I want to do it cry...I can't even enjoy the few hours I have to myself...because they ruined those too!!!! Maybe I am being selfish...and childish...but then he thinks he has the right to lecture me...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I was doing so good...things were going so well...I hate feeling like this...like I just don't want to exist...like everything would be better without me...why won't they listen...why does he turn his back on me when I try to talk...why does everyone shut me out...why don't I matter...why why why why why why why why why why.......

I'm tired...and my tears hurt...that's all...

the end

Contemplating Moments

Our lives are a compilation of moments that we remember and the ones that we try not to. Have you ever sat around trying to remember things that you've experienced. These moments aren't a big deal, they probably weren't when they happened either. But have you ever stopped to retrace a moment. What were you feeling, what was happening to the people around you?

Today I learned that someone who used to be a part of my life, passed away. I haven't had much contact with this person in the last few years, but when I was a child she was a big part of my life. I remember one time I was staying at a friends house...my friends name was Heather...we wanted to go swimming, and my aunt had a pool...we could walk to her house from where we were...so we did...but it was really early in the morning...I remember her coming out of her house...she wasn't mad...she just said maybe we should come back later in the day...she was always so nice...and she always smelled so good. I remember when her daughter died from cancer...that was a sad moment...I remember picking blackberries in her backyard...I remember the first and only time I ever got a spanking with a belt was when I left her house without telling anyone...I remember her garage...that's where the pool toys were...I remember the plastic plates that made the paper plates stronger...I always wanted a red one...so many cookouts...passing by her place every time I went to church...

Although she has not known me these last 15 years...I will always have those somewhat meaningless memories...and for that I am thankful...

I love you Aunt Juanita!

Live Like You Were Dying

So I've been thinking today (something to do with the fact that I am going to a wedding shower tonight)...I've decided that I am putting all of this moping about not being in a relationship behind me...I was thinking that when I get married I want people to be happy for me...and I will be wanting them to have a journey of their own...one where they end up with their perfect match. I am tired of being all down about this...get over it Jess...there is more to life...you obviously have more to do...don't just sit around and wait for something to happen...go out there and live...

I watched Last Holiday this weekend, and I have to say...that is how I want to live...I want to live every moment as though it were my last...I want to tell everyone how I feel...I want to hold nothing back...I want experience life...not just read about it in books...IT BEGINS...is what I have been saying for so long, but now it is time to live it...I want each moment to count...Kirsten Dunst said in Elizabethtown..."Everyday should have a purpose"...I want to live that way...so today I live with a reason in mind...that reason is to serve God and to be the best me I can be...

I am excited...and I want to continue this outlook on life...today I give Him my all!

You Win Some and You Lose Some

Fortune: Stop searching. Happiness will find you.

There are days when I feel as though the world is perfect. My life is going exactly as it could be. I love my job, my friends, my future...I am excited about all that my life has going for it. Then there are days when I think that I am alone, that I haven't started the next chapter in my life, and I wonder why it hasn't happened for me.

It was funny today, because Christa wrote that being single sucks...and I said..."You know what sucks more...being 24 and single." It really doesn't suck all the time, just on days when I think about that next phase of life. I am excited about starting my life joined with someone else, but I wish I knew when that was going to happen. I am still young by many standards, and I know that, but I don't want to be an old mom. I want to have the chance to watch my kids grow up, and their kids grow up...I don't want to be 30 before I have my first child. I guess in the long run it really isn't up to me. God has this in His hands, and although I don't always enjoy hearing that...I know it is the truth.

I told mom today that God must have something really amazing out there for me. I guess I am writing all of this to say that some days are good and some days are bad. Enjoy the good days and don't beat yourself up for the bad ones.

Oy With the Poodles Already

These past few days have been emotional for me. Let's see...the biggest thing is that my sister is having surgery on Tuesday to have a knot removed...they are going to do a biopsy and see what it is...while I know that God is in control...I can't help but be a little concerned...I love my sister...she is amazing...so beautiful...and partially my hero (I can't discount Josh completely here)...I am praying that everything turns out to be nothing...I know God has this in His hands...

Compared to that, the other emotional battles I have faced seem like nothing...but still...it will help to put them into words...On Thursday I sat talking to my mom...she was telling me about a new professor at Warner and she was telling me that her name was "Ciana" pronounced "Shawna"...Now, since I was a young girl I have always wanted to name my daughter Ciana Claire (pronounced "C-na)...so my mom said to me "I'm going to adopt a little girl and name her Ciana Claire...since you are never going to have any children"...Ouch!

The other thing that happened was today at lunch. One of my best friends (Amanda) and I are getting ready to start an event planning business together...focusing on weddings...so my brother says "Hey, that's like the movie The Wedding Planner, if you can't wed, plan." I started crying...I know that might seem ridiculous, but it really hurt...

I already struggle with the thought of never having that in my life, that I don't need the people closest to me, making me feel as though I am right...I know that God has something amazing for me...and I can't wait until the day he reveals it to me...

All That I'm Waiting For

My prayer this year has been that God would send my help-mate, or help me be content in being single. The first Sunday after Pastor Mike's prayer retreat, he came up to me before service and said, "You're gonna find yourself a MAN." I laughed and brushed it off. Not that I doubted it would happen, because I believe that with God, all things are possible. It was just that I didn't want to get my hopes up.

I faced the year with the thought that if something happened I would be happy, but if nothing happened my life wouldn't change, I would remain happy. I found myself at the beginning and end of what I thought could be two somewhat potential relationships (not that I thought either relationship was the right relationship).

Now that I am back to where I started I wonder at what God has out there for me...I mean...I know it has to be amazing...I believe that the one God has for me will be somewhat like this...

- A MAN after God's own heart! The spiritual leader of my household, someone who will lead me in devotions and push me to be all that God has called me to be.

- Romantic, but not mushy. Someone who cares enough to find out what my favorite flower is, and doesn't just get me roses because it's the flower that seems most romantic.

- Patient. I am an emotional person and I know that the man who will be mine will also be the man who won't let my tears hinder our love.

- Kind. I need a man with a servant's heart. Who looks to the needs of others before he looks to the needs of himself.

- Someone who won't look at me like I am crazy...even though I am...

- Someone who doesn't just think I'm beautiful, but someone who convinces me that I am.

I know that God has my perfect piece out there...and I can't wait until the day when God reveals it to us...but until that day I hope I can remain patient...ever aware that God is in control...and that He loves me with all that He is...

Never Ending Beginning

This has been by far one of the most amazing weekends that I have had in quite some time! I am so used to the ups and downs of my life and this weekend is was a plethera of ups. It's not that I even did anything interesting. I just had a good weekend full of friends and laughter.

On Friday I had drama practice and afterwards we went to Wendy's. It was funny because I went in and sat down after the guys had gotten there. While they were all ordering I went and got a seat...only two of the four saw me...well...the other two got their food and sat down...four tables away from me...they never looked in my direction and so I began to sniff my shirt (thinking that maybe I smelled bad)...one of the guys who had seem me come in kind of motioned to what I was doing...I said "I'm trying to figure out of I smell bad or something"...the guys had never seen me and when they heard me they rushed to sit with me...it was so funny...

On Saturday I had drama practice...after that I just went home and worked on my online class. It wasn't anything fun...I just did that and watched Hallmark movies all day...I loved it!

Today has probably been the best day! I got to watch these kids who have been working their butts off minister to our congregation today...and they blew the house away! I am so excited to see what else God has in store for them!...IT BEGINS!!! I know that God is going to do something big, I mean...He is DOING something BIG!!! AHHH!!! I wish I could share my excitement more...I am sooooooo excited. I also think that I am just on a Jesus high!

I also got the amazing opportunity to eat lunch with two of my favorite people on earth...Dan and Rebekah...Seriously...I can't imagine my life without these guys...I don't remember what it was like before they were around...and I am going to be so sad when they leave me for the summer...but I still have a little while with them! I also got to see Cassie today and that always makes me happy...She's so amazing...I have been blessed this year with the new friends that I have made and the relationships that have gotten stronger!

I don't know...I guess tonight I just wanted to share with you guys the excitement that I am feeling right now! I also wanted to let you guys know how absolutely amazing you are! I couldn't ask for better friends!

Jess

Taking It One Day At a Time

It's been a while since my last blog...I think that I have been in a somewhat melancholy state of mind and my writer's block falls into place during these times...I have also been trying to come to grips with the reality around me...I feel as though I have been somewhat detatched recently...I hate that feeling...

Life tends to come at us in ways which we don't expect...sometimes these ways are gladly recieved while at other times we are left wondering why our experiences have led us here...I think that right now I am stuck somewhere between those two places...I know that as you (my dear regular readers) read my thoughts you can see the up and down emotional rollercoaster that I experience almost on a daily basis...This rollercoaster has hit a few steep downward moments in the past month or so...

Emotionally my life has been rough as of late...I have spent more time with my tears than I have in almost a year...I hate that...It scares me to think that I could lose control of everything that has become stable...I have embraced my somewhat sane existence...and to think that that delicate world is threatened...frightens me beyond words...

I know that things can only get better...and that there must be something big out there for me...but I kind of wish it would just happen you know? It would just all fall into place...so that I no longer fear the unknown, but that I take it as it comes...that I see what lies ahead...and I look in that direction without fear...

I have been plagued with fears recently...the fear that I will never accomplish anything...the fear that I will fail all those around me...the fear that I have become something others depise...the fear that I will always be alone...the fear that I will never be good enough...I don't want to fear anymore...I want to embrace hope...because my hope in Him is the only silver lining I see right now...

Make These Tears Dry Up

I feel like I am back to where I was several years ago. It was possibly the worst trip I had ever been on. It was the type of trip that bitterly reminded me that I was alone. We were driving to Kentucky and as Mom and Dad drove, Megan was with her boyfriend, and Brandon was with his girlfriend, and then there was me...alone. Now each one of them have gone through the pain of breakups, but they are each both in new relationships. Brandon is with his girlfriend, Megan is with her new boyfriend...and here I am...still alone.

I don't know if it has to do with the fact that I am the oldest, or I just can't understand the fact of why someone doesn't want me...but right now my heart is hurting. Why doesn't anyone want me? I am so sick of these tears...I am so sick of these lies. Is it beyond someone to love me? I don't know what to do...I want to be patient...and I know that God has to have something amazing out there for me...but I can't help but feel that I am nothing more, and will always be nothing more, than the friend...I will continue to watch those that I love begin and end and begin and end relationships, until the day I am invited to the wedding...

I don't want to hurt anymore...I think at the beginning of the year the prayer was that God would either send me someone, or help me be content in being single...Right now I just want to be content...I don't want a relationship...I am tired of trying...I hate this right now...every tear that falls just hurts worse. I don't want to hurt anymore...So forgive me my rant...I just needed to let go. Some people don't understand how my writing is my relief...I doubt that you would understand if I tried to explain now...but I love you guys...and I know you love me...

Please...I do not want to hear how it will happen for me...and that I shouldn't feel this way...because I know that if it is God's will it will happen, and if not he will see me through...I know that this too shall pass...and I can't wait until it does...

All my Love,
Jess

Deja Vu

Have you ever felt as though you have had the same experience twice. Tonight I felt as though I had a flashback of two months ago...It was amazing how the same exact feelings rushed over me. Feelings of confusion, anger and hurt all hit me with the same force as the time before. I just don't understand how I get myself into these situations...where I have made life so complicated. I still think this is all a distraction that satan has put me up against...because I truly believe that God has something big for me right now and satan knows it. he wants me to be distracted so that I cannot complete the work that God began in me. I refuse to doubt the promises that God has laid before me...I will continue to rejoice...no matter what the circumstances...
Here is a poem I wrote today...I just want to get it out there...to have it down...out of my head and shared with my friends...

Words spoken without contemplation
Have caused my heart the aggravation
Of torture, anguish, sorrow, grief
From these things find I no relief.
That I laid to rest a love unspoken
That threatens now to never be woken
Leaves me with the bitter thought of this,
To never find love lost or that love's first kiss.

I've never known love to be absolute
And so I have chosen to be resolute
In my findings. I've stood unyielding
All along my heart I've been shielding
From the pain that has damaged my existence.
As for the reason of my resistence,
I've been unable to believe in love so pure
Thus when it was spoken I was unsure.

Won't you please hear my feeble cry?
My heart is broken, and so am I,
To think your affection would waver
Because of a conviction which did quaver.
Do not let these mistaken words once stated
Be the source of a friendship dissuaded.
I do not know myself untrue
Please know that if I could I would all undo.

Second chances are not my lot in life
And so in these words I rid myself of strife.
You can only love so long without love in return
This is a lesson I have woefully learned.
In these truths I reveal my soul
Knowing the time has come for me to let go.
I lay down this burden I have carried along
Without regret, for it has only made me strong.

To Those Still Waiting

I wrote this quite some time ago when a really good friend of mine was going through a really hard time. Now you have to understand, my friend is a Belle fanatic (you know the Disney princess). I found a piece of paper at a scrapbooking store with Belle on it and knew I had to get it for her...I tried to figure out what I was going to do with it...I didn't want to just give her the paper...so I wrote this story. The more I read it, the more I realize that I was writing it for me, just as much as for her...but I hope you all get something out of it...God has something amazing, and His timing is perfect...I would rather be single now and wait for true love, then to be with someone and find out that it was never right to begin with.

The Princess Within
By: Jessica Buchanan

In a land far away there once was a beautiful princess who longed for more than what she had. Her life seemed ordinary and to her that was something she had never thought she would be. Every morning her life seemed to hold a routine. She woke, attended her duties, did what was required of her, fell asleep and began the same proceedings over again.

This princess could not see that her ordinary actions had extraordinary results. In the land of her Father there was a man, who unbeknownst to the princess, had been grooming his entire life to become her prince. Every morning he would wake and go before the King, asking what he must do to prepare for the princess. Every day this young man would work hard to become what he knew the princess would need.

As this happened, the princess began to question her Father. She continually asked why her prince had never come, and why she must keep waiting when all those around her were experiencing the love that she longed for. The King would quietly tell his daughter to be patient, and she would experience His very best.

As time went by the young man began to grow and developed a deeper relationship with the King, and the King watched the young man and knew that it was almost time. His daughter had a hard time understanding her wait, but He knew once she met her prince she would understand.

The day finally came when the young man would become a prince. When the princess heard of the glorious news she rejoiced, thanking her Father. When the two became one she understood why love had not come to her sooner. She had to learn to trust her Father, and He would bring her exactly what she needed.

So, young princess within, do not grow weary in your wait. Instead, trust your Father because he, not only knows what you need, but also knows when you need it. Love will come and when it does you will rejoice

Trying to Figure This Out

I know that life is not meant to be a walk in the park. There are no easy outs, and life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you are going to get. I know all of the cliches...but I am finding that figuring out my life is much more enjoyable than it used to be. I mean...I used to stress out about every little detail, every decision, what people thought about me and so much more...Now I feel as though my life is making sense.

Don't get me wrong...my life is by no means perfect...it's just that I am happy. It has taken me a long time to get here, and now that I'm here I wonder why it took me this much time. I love my life. I have a great family, a great job, great friends, and I actually love who I am. I am so thankful for God's blessings. I truly don't know what I would do without Him.

I don't know...I guess I just wanted to share that life is not always as bad as we think it is. Life is what we make it. We choose to be happy. My friend Ryan said that to me the other day and I think it has stuck. I am happy and I choose that happiness. There will be days when life is not pleasant, and I don't love life, but I will choose to be happy. I will continue doing daily in order to have the life I have right now!

Trials

My life is generally nothing but a mass of confusing gestures that never seem to point in any clear direction. I have faced many trials along the way...and today I sat with a friend reliving many of them. I can't believe that God has allowed me to experice so much pain, and yet at the same time...I am blessed that the pain I have experienced is nothing in comparison to what so many have faced. I have not experienced the lost of a loved one...I have not experienced the pain of abuse...I have not experienced the trials of divorce...I have been loved...and I have been conforted...I have friends that love me...

I guess I am saying these things in order for us to realize that those things in our lives that we think are great trials...are generally trivial compared to what so many others are facing in our world these days...I don't want to be consumed by my "problems" because in all actuality I should be focused on the problem that people are dying every day and going to hell...that's what I should be concerned with...not where my life is going to be ten days from now...ten weeks from now...or ten years from now...God wants me focused on the work that He has for me right now...I don't want to let distractions get in my way of accomplishing those things which He has set out for me to do...

Keep fighting the good fight...and remember that when you think you are going through something you can't stand through...God is on the other side waiting to catch you if you fall...

Waiting for the Amazing...

The life we dream for ourselves is not always the reality that God has in store...but may I put a question to you? Don't you believe that what God has planned is so much better than what we could imagine. I keep telling myself that there is something amazing out there for me...and someday...as long as I let God lead my steps then He will bring me a dream that I could never achieve in my own strength...

He is such an amazing God and I know that He has so much in store for me...I don't want to miss out on the best God has in order to get a temporary dose of today...I am ready for God's blessing...not the one that I wish for myself...I have been told today that I am beautiful and that I deserve the best God can give me...I totally agree...and I am tired of relying on yesterday's promises...I want to rely on the promise of today...

A friend told me tonight that each day that goes by is one day closer to what God has in store for me...how amazing is that thought?!?! I can't wait to see what He has...because I know that it is going to be amazing...it can be nothing less...

Things About Me...

So I've been tagged. The game is that if you get tagged you have to write six random or just odd quirks about yourself and than you tag six other people to do the same....sooooo..here goes,

1. I have low self-esteem but hide behind a mask of confidence that fools others into believing that I am self-assured.

2. I am scared that I am never going to find someone that will love me as much as I love them.

3. I am currently writing a manuscript that I hope to get published in the next year or two.

4. I love cats, but cannot have them because my mom is allergic.

5. I scored the highest in the area of logic on my IQ test.

6. I almost dropped out of school my Sophomore year of college to move to NYC and audition for Broadway!