Today I woke up and began wondering where my life is going. Am I headed up, or down? Where will I be a month from now, a year, two years, five years? I don't want a crystal ball to predict the future, but it would be nice to have an idea of the direction in which I am going. I want to be on a path. I feel like I am often freewheeling. I have no clear direction and I am getting closer to the dreaded 25. I am scared of being alone, I am scared of failing, and I am scared that I will never make a difference in the world.
I want to have a major impact on the world, even if it is only a small part of the world. I want to get out of Lake Wales (sorry to all of my Lake Wales friends) but I know that I can't go back to Kentucky (no offense to my peeps in Kentucky). I am confused with where my life is going, and I hate that. I used to be more focused. I used to have a handle on where I was going...what is going to happen to me...where am I going?
So confused,
Jess
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Saturday, January 28, 2006
The Greatest of These is Love
It has been a while since I have written in my blog. I have been gone on a spiritual journey, seeking God's guidance for my life. I have been running away from Him for way too long. For the last two weeks I have been running TOWARDS Him as fast as I can. My life has been up in the air for far too long and now I want God to have a hold of it. I want Him to lead me and guide my steps.
You all know that my biggest struggle is being alone, but this year I choose not to think of it as being alone, but as being free to minister in every area that God calls me. I have this really great friend, more like a brother really, who made me cry as he wrote to me, praying that I would be content in myself. I know that I generally am not content with me. I have hated myself for so many years. People are always confused by that statement, because most people love me. I am a very fun and nice person, but I often struggle to be happy with me. I am always seeing ways in which I fall short. I thank each of you for your encouragement. Be praying for me, that God would continue to bless me with this outlook. I don't want to dwell in my loneliness. I want to be content in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I am still looking for the man of my dreams, and if anyone has a man they would like to point in my direction...they can feel free...lol...just be praying that God would bring us together, that those two pieces of the puzzle would finally fit as one. You guys are amazing...all my love!
Jess
You all know that my biggest struggle is being alone, but this year I choose not to think of it as being alone, but as being free to minister in every area that God calls me. I have this really great friend, more like a brother really, who made me cry as he wrote to me, praying that I would be content in myself. I know that I generally am not content with me. I have hated myself for so many years. People are always confused by that statement, because most people love me. I am a very fun and nice person, but I often struggle to be happy with me. I am always seeing ways in which I fall short. I thank each of you for your encouragement. Be praying for me, that God would continue to bless me with this outlook. I don't want to dwell in my loneliness. I want to be content in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I am still looking for the man of my dreams, and if anyone has a man they would like to point in my direction...they can feel free...lol...just be praying that God would bring us together, that those two pieces of the puzzle would finally fit as one. You guys are amazing...all my love!
Jess
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