Today I sit here trying to remember that I am me and no one else can make my decisions for me. I have always struggled with this concept, thinking that somehow I must make my decisions for everyone else. Take my job situation for instance. I sit here with the opportunity to work in a library or to teach. Now there are positives and negatives to both of these positions, but as I have carefully weighed my options I have decided to go with the library. Some people might sit there and make a face (which they have) but I am very different than others and I enjoyed working in a library when I was in college and believe that I will continue to do so for years to come. This position provides me with the opportunity to persue a level of higher education and the chance to gain experience in order to work at any library in America, maybe even the world.
Now you might sit there and say, sounds like you have made your decision. One would think that this is a correct assumption, yet, you are not my mother. I love her, but she could drive a crazy person sane. I want to assure her that I am doing what I want to do, but for some reason it is not that easy.
I guess that I needed somewhere to vent my frustrations. I want to be happy, yet I do not think that people truly understand what it is that would make me happy. Only I can take the steps needed to fulfill areas in my life. I want to be my own person, void of external suggestion. There comes a time when your decisions effect you and you alone. I am at that point. If I stay here and work, then it is my life that I am putting here. I ask no one else to make the same choice. I am me, and I will continue to be me even when all the other voices have been drowned out. It is whether or not I will like who I am once those voices are gone that is the true question. I want the answer to be yes. And for that reason I must choose for me.
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