Here

I can't believe that I haven't even been here a week. I have a mixture of feelings. I am so excited, because this job is exactly what I wanted. I have so much hope in this whole thing. I love the family and already feel as though I am a part of what is going on here. This house is amazing. I have only been in a few houses this nice and my cousin's house in Kentucky is the only one I find even remotely comparable to it. They actually have a theatre upstairs...a REAL theatre...It is amazingly spectacular. The kids are wonderful. They are by no means of the word, perfect...but they are good. Each one offers so much of their individuality to this job...and I love the challenges I face. Brianna, the oldest is the only one I feel that I haven't truly found a way to connect with. I think this is due in large part to the fact that she feels like she doesn't need a nanny...which I totally understand.

I went to church on Sunday night and it was by far the best service I have been to in YEARS!!! Pastor Jim is AMAZING! And I am excited about being a part of this. On Thursday I am going to the young adults group. They meet in a small group at Barnes and Nobles...I met the pastor and his fiance (they are getting married this weekend). I am excited about meeting some new people. It will be really good for me. I feel somewhat lonely, but am trying to let it pass...thinking that it's probably normal. Don't get me wrong, I am not lonely in every sense of the word, only in that there are times when I wish that I had someone close by, so that when I get off...I'm not just watching tv or a movie up in my room...but that I might be able to go out...just...talk to someone...

I feel as though I am throwing a pity party inside myself...and it's ridiculous...and I know it...I hate it when I let petty things totally tear me apart...tear my sefl-worth slowly from my hands...God did not make me someone to be walked on...but I can do all things through him...the thing is I knew that God was pulling me away from people...so I don't know why I am surprised that I am not a priority friend for those people any more...Goodness...that sounds so lame...and completely sorrowful...I know that people love me...it's not that...it's just...I wish I knew how to explain this...I mean...I hate that I feel this way...and I don't know...I just wanted to vent...to say that...I don't care if it's "out of sight out of mind"...I'm here for a reason...and no matter how much I loved those people...one day I will find someone that won't just forget...

Wow...I can't believe how very lame this all is...but...there...that was my pity party...and sad as it is...I actually do feel better...

Starting a New Journey

I got the job! I am so excited at where God is taking me. It is scary and exhilrating all at the same time. I have been hanging in there all summer...held up only by my faith, and here at last I find that I am completely happy with where God has brought me. I truly could not ask for more. This position is perfect for me. I will be moving to Ormond Beach where I will be a nanny for a family of five. Their three kids are all adorable and will be both fun and challenging. I truly believe that this is where God wants me. I get the chance to impact lives. Three little lives.

I will be living with them and taking care of the kids most days, having a couple of days off here and there. I don't know that I have ever been this excited about anything. At the same time I am a little sad that I won't be here with my friends...but as I stated a few blogs back...I've really felt as though God were seperating from people anyways...

So here I am...on the verge of a new journey...I can't wait...and it comes sooner than expected. I will be leaving this Friday! I know...I got the call today. It's bittersweet because my dad left today and I didn't realize that I wouldn't see him before I moved away. I mean, I know it's not like I won't be back, but he and I have already talked, so it's all good.

I can't believe that I am leaving...I mean...Bartow has basically been home to me for the last two years...even though I haven't lived here that whole time...I have been blessed to form friendships that I find to be priceless. I could never have asked for better friends while I have been here...it is a shame that I have known some of them such a short time...but they are in my heart...and I will be back to visit. I can't believe that this has all happened in the span of a month...it feels much shorter...as though it all just happened...I believe that this move will change my life...and that there are reasons I don't even understand that are leading me to this job...God is so good...and I continue to put my faith in Him...

A Clean Room, A Dead Frog, and Blind Faith

I am sitting here in the middle of cleaning my room...I was just talking to Merri and she was like "that doesn't sound like fun"...and I thought...well...it isn't...but I am deep cleaning it with the faith that I will be moving soon, and I would rather deep clean now...and get rid of all of the things that I don't need or use anymore...and to get everything organized...then to try to do it while I am trying to pack...

Today I met with the husband and wife who are considering hiring me as a nanny. It was such an amazing experience...I have never wanted anything this bad. The entire situation is perfect for me...and I am truly believing that this is where God is sending me...I think that faith is such an interesting thing...I believe that this is where God wants me...but satan is good about sneaking in and trying to tear away my faith...don't get me wrong...I know that if this is not God's will for my life that He will shut the door (which is what I am praying)...but that if this is where He wants me then He will strategically move me in that direction...and I am hanging on to my blind faith right now...

I have always been pretty good about the whole faith thing...in most parts of my life...and His guiding me in the right direction is no exception...There have been so many times when I have just known that God would open the right door at the right time...He always has...and I don't know why this time should be any different...

Today a lot of people were praying for me...if you were one of those people...THANK YOU!!! I totally felt at peace and it helped knowing that so many of you had me in your prayers...I will probably know tomorrow whether or not I got the position...I am excited...and still in need of those prayers...right now I am anxious...because tomorrow will mean so many things...

God is so good...and I am so blessed!

Speaking of dead frogs...ok...that was nowhere in any of what I just said...but it was in my subject...so...while I was cleaning my room...I found a DEAD FROG!!! EW!!! Oh my goodness...I was freaking out...yikes...I didn't know what it was at first...so I just picked it up...then I dropped it and screamed...I know...I am such a girl...but I like being such a girl...lol

Dead frogs freak me out...


The End

Time to go...

I couldn't be happier with my life, but have you ever just got the feeling that it was time to go...like...everything around you was lining up so that you had the freedom to move on...without guilt of the desire to stick around...??? I just have been feeling the last few weeks that maybe everything that's been going on around me is leading up to helping it be easier for me to leave...

I don't know that any of what I just wrote even makes sense. I am sitting here at 12:30 in the morning...I've just been crying, and I know that my tears weren't in vain...it just feels that it is time for me to leave...I don't have the connections here that I once thought that I did...and I really believe that's a God thing...

I know that I have never really fit in anywhere...I kinda tend to stand out more than anything else...I am too old, or too young, or too single...or just too me...I am ready to find a place where I fit...where I actually feel needed...or...wanted...not in a "woe is me" kind of way...but in a way where I need to be there...I want to be there...and right now...I don't believe that this is either...I am tired of turning around every day wondering if I offended someone because they haven't talked to me in a few weeks...or if I am getting on someone's nerves because I find out they went out with a bunch of people...and didn't think to ask me along...I am tired of feeling like the friends I once thought I had...well...

I almost feel as though my heart has been stepped on...and maybe most of that is my fault...I shouldn't care so much...It shouldn't matter...I shouldn't be crying...grrr...I hate tears...lol...but hey...next week I will know if I am leaving or not...I truly hope it is the leaving...because I really believe it is time for me to be in a new place...to experience new things...to meet new people...I am ready to leave...I am ready to go...

Life is Good

It's funny, because we tend to write these things when we are going through tough times, or when we need to say something...but what about when life is good...when nothing is going wrong...and you're just happy...

Right now I couldn't be happier with where I am...and...it's not like I'm in the best situation ever...I am 25...I live with my parents...and I have no job...oh yeah...and my sister (my little sister) is getting married...and I am totally single!

It's so funny...you expect to feel this way when everything in your life is going right...but...this makes me feel that...God must be in complete control...

EW! There was just a Beano commercial on...not that that is important...it just disctracted me...and I am watchin tivo...so I can FF...boo...ok...back to the regularly scheduled blog...

Seriously, I love my life...I am in the process of finding a job...actually...the perfect job...I couldn't be happier being single...I wish I could have been this happy years ago...if I had only known how much time I was wasting...guys are so not worth the time...don't get me wrong...I eventually want to be with that one guy who makes the world better...but I know now that it's God's plan...not mine...that I need to be concerned with...

I don't know...I'm just happy...and I wanted to...let everyone know that life is what we make it...we have to choose to be happy...even when there's no real reason...