Time to go...

I couldn't be happier with my life, but have you ever just got the feeling that it was time to go...like...everything around you was lining up so that you had the freedom to move on...without guilt of the desire to stick around...??? I just have been feeling the last few weeks that maybe everything that's been going on around me is leading up to helping it be easier for me to leave...

I don't know that any of what I just wrote even makes sense. I am sitting here at 12:30 in the morning...I've just been crying, and I know that my tears weren't in vain...it just feels that it is time for me to leave...I don't have the connections here that I once thought that I did...and I really believe that's a God thing...

I know that I have never really fit in anywhere...I kinda tend to stand out more than anything else...I am too old, or too young, or too single...or just too me...I am ready to find a place where I fit...where I actually feel needed...or...wanted...not in a "woe is me" kind of way...but in a way where I need to be there...I want to be there...and right now...I don't believe that this is either...I am tired of turning around every day wondering if I offended someone because they haven't talked to me in a few weeks...or if I am getting on someone's nerves because I find out they went out with a bunch of people...and didn't think to ask me along...I am tired of feeling like the friends I once thought I had...well...

I almost feel as though my heart has been stepped on...and maybe most of that is my fault...I shouldn't care so much...It shouldn't matter...I shouldn't be crying...grrr...I hate tears...lol...but hey...next week I will know if I am leaving or not...I truly hope it is the leaving...because I really believe it is time for me to be in a new place...to experience new things...to meet new people...I am ready to leave...I am ready to go...