Here

I can't believe that I haven't even been here a week. I have a mixture of feelings. I am so excited, because this job is exactly what I wanted. I have so much hope in this whole thing. I love the family and already feel as though I am a part of what is going on here. This house is amazing. I have only been in a few houses this nice and my cousin's house in Kentucky is the only one I find even remotely comparable to it. They actually have a theatre upstairs...a REAL theatre...It is amazingly spectacular. The kids are wonderful. They are by no means of the word, perfect...but they are good. Each one offers so much of their individuality to this job...and I love the challenges I face. Brianna, the oldest is the only one I feel that I haven't truly found a way to connect with. I think this is due in large part to the fact that she feels like she doesn't need a nanny...which I totally understand.

I went to church on Sunday night and it was by far the best service I have been to in YEARS!!! Pastor Jim is AMAZING! And I am excited about being a part of this. On Thursday I am going to the young adults group. They meet in a small group at Barnes and Nobles...I met the pastor and his fiance (they are getting married this weekend). I am excited about meeting some new people. It will be really good for me. I feel somewhat lonely, but am trying to let it pass...thinking that it's probably normal. Don't get me wrong, I am not lonely in every sense of the word, only in that there are times when I wish that I had someone close by, so that when I get off...I'm not just watching tv or a movie up in my room...but that I might be able to go out...just...talk to someone...

I feel as though I am throwing a pity party inside myself...and it's ridiculous...and I know it...I hate it when I let petty things totally tear me apart...tear my sefl-worth slowly from my hands...God did not make me someone to be walked on...but I can do all things through him...the thing is I knew that God was pulling me away from people...so I don't know why I am surprised that I am not a priority friend for those people any more...Goodness...that sounds so lame...and completely sorrowful...I know that people love me...it's not that...it's just...I wish I knew how to explain this...I mean...I hate that I feel this way...and I don't know...I just wanted to vent...to say that...I don't care if it's "out of sight out of mind"...I'm here for a reason...and no matter how much I loved those people...one day I will find someone that won't just forget...

Wow...I can't believe how very lame this all is...but...there...that was my pity party...and sad as it is...I actually do feel better...