I wish I could be all that I know I should be. I know that I should spend more time in prayer and devotion, giving God all of who I am, and letting Him have TOTAL control. I know that I should work out every day and eat better. I know I should find a church here and build a support system around me. I know that I should let go of some situations, because God has better and I'm just not allowing him to give it to me. I know I should spend more time on my manuscript. I know that I should spend less time on the internet. I know...I know...I know...
But it's not what I know, it's what I do, and don't do. I don't pray and read my Bible every day. I try to hold on to things that I should hand over to God. I sit in my room alone and pout about being lonely instead of going out and making use of my life. I sit on my butt instead of going for a walk. I eat something that tastes good because it's fast and convenient instead of taking the time to fix something that is good for me. I refuse to let go of certain things because I think I know what's best for me. I never work on my manuscript and I live on the internet. I do...I do...I do...
When I make it a priority to take what is in my head and make it reality then I will be living a life worthy of my King. I am so tired of living a half-hearted life. I am tired of sitting around waiting for something to happen to me, instead of going out there and letting God do something for me. I get so lost in the drama of life that I rarely take the time to realize things would be so much better if I would just let Him take over. I don't know what it is about me that refuses to hand over the reigns. The thing is, I actually know that it is better to be completely in His will. I know that I am here, right now, for a reason, but I am not taking full advantage of that. Instead, I am sitting idly by, letting life pass me by. I ready for a change, I am ready for a new beginning and I think I know how to get there. It's not going to be easy, in fact, it is going to tear me apart, but I know that it is what must be done. I have to let God have control. I have to give Him my life, because I am tired of living it on my own.
It's funny. In my heart I know that I am forcing some issues. Today I was praying on the way to take Alexa to school, and I realized that I know in my heart of hearts where I should be, and I know that God will bless me if I just let it go. So here I am, letting it ALL go. Here I am giving Him COMPLETE control!
I am done being me. I am giving God the driver's seat back.
That's all there is to say right now.
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