I am less than I should be...

There are days when I feel like the future is something that's just out there...then there are other days when it consumes me. Sometimes it is with great excitement that I look forward, other times dread is what fills me. I am no closer to knowing the future than anyone else, and so I wonder why it is that we spend so much time thinking about it. The present is where we should be, but I suppose we realize that the present effects the future and that drives us to want to know what our decisions today will make of us tomorrow. I feel lost in this pool of self-discovery. I want to know what lies ahead, but I am tired of trying to see through a hazy crystal ball. Today is where I am...tomorrow isn't even guaranteed...and yet it is something I focus on continually...

I don't understand all of the things that I am going through at the moment and so it gives me reason to pause and examine where I am. I want more than anything just to live for this second and let tomorrow worry about itself.

I am stronger than I give myself credit for...but today it is hard for me to stand in that knowledge. I know that I am an amazing person, meant for great things...and so I wonder why I often stand on the sidelines content to play the leading lady's best friend...I am meant for more than that. I am supposed to be my own star...I was never created to stand in the shadows, but I have allowed myself to become complacent here...I have become the understudy in my own life...I have allowed myself to fade into the background...

How do I change this? Do I take control of the things I've let slip away...or do I remain in the shadows forever forced to play a flat character...???

I am less than I should be...I should be more...