I am a Square Peg

I am a square peg. It is not something that I can help. I just am. In a world of round holes I have always been oddly out of place. Fitting in has just never been something I could accomplish. Yet, it is my uniqueness that allows me to love myself. On Thursday a friend told me I was just goofy. I replied with, "If I weren't would you really want to hang out with me." His return was that I would be boring (and this is SO true). I pride myself on my wacky, off beat personality. I love that I am different, because being normal is the farthest thing from what I am. I know that we are all created in a special way, but I like to think of myself as slightly off. I told my Mel the other day that I know God must have a sense of humor, because he created me.

I love that about me! I think the reason that I am thinking about these personality traits is because spending a lot of time with the kids brings it out in me more than usual. They love my goofiness (I just hope one day that my kids will love it too and not find it embarrassing). I love to laugh and I feel like I do it more and more each day. My kids bring something amazing into my life. They are what I live for. It's funny, because I definately see them as more than just a job. They are the sunshine on a cloudy day! I wonder if My Girl was written about a daughter, as opposed to a lover (which I have always thought until now). My kids keep me happy!

I have learned so much from them. I have learned what is important and what isn't. I have learned how to give and take. They have taught me what it means to be the best me that I can be. I couldn't ask for more than I have right now.

Not everything in life is perfect (oh how I wish that were possible at times). I'm slightly hurt. It is something I will get over. It's funny because it is not a deep hurt, just a twinge of pain that threatens bitterness, but I am fighting off the desire to be bitter, instead I am smiling, because I know that with every rose there is the threat of thorns. Aside from that small thing, I am learning to lay things down and hand them over to God. It is not an easy thing to do, but I know that His will is better than my own.

I am also trying to listen intently to what He is saying. I love to hear His voice. It is my desire to be all that He wants me to be. Right now, I know that I am letting some things slip...but this is all changing...God has given me new words! He is calling me to a higher place. I am excited to see where this square peg is going to fit (because I'm tired of trying to sqeeze into these round holes!).

It Begins!