I've been reading through my older posts, and I find myself wishing that I could talk to a younger me and tell her that worrying over things does no good. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her that everything is going to be ok, and that hurting is part of growing up. I wish she knew how amazing she was and that no amount of weight loss, or make up, or clothes are going to make her a better person. I wish she knew to hold on tight to who she is and never let others tell her that she is anything less than the best.
All of this recent reflection has made me realize that my life has never been close to perfect, but I would say that I have lived a good life. Each day I feel as though I learn something new about myself. I have learned that I love to be alone. I know that sounds weird coming from someone who is so hell bent on finding the love of her life...but seriously, I love my alone time. I was supposed to go out with friends tonight, but I found out that I will have the entire house to myself, and now I'm bailing on them to spend time on my own. I just can't help myself, I love the quiet and the fact that I don't have to worry about what anyone else wants to do, or how they will react if I do something, or if I want to watch something that they don't want to.
I have learned that I am stronger and more independent than I give myself credit for. I know who I am inside and out, and I love who I am. This makes me stronger than I've ever been. There is no way that I could be this way if it weren't for everything that I've already been through. I have so much going for me and I tend to put myself down more often than I should.
Each moment that I have lived this life has brought me to the point that I am now and I just have to say...I love standing here, being able to look behind me at where I have been and look ahead to see where I am going...this life just keeps getting better and better...
Friday, February 05, 2010
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Loving the Journey
So...a couple of different things to talk about today.
Met "School Boy" on Friday night. It was awkward but I just tried to be myself. He seems like a nice guy. Not really my type...really tall, really skinny, but like I said, he was nice and he handled my family pretty well, so that gave him some extra points. Mom is still in love with him and I think she's already planned our wedding. Got to love her.
Meanwhile, I am still interested in seeing if anything progresses with "Salt and Pepper" (that's what my co-worker calls the older student who I swoon over every time he walks through my door). I've never been really good at the whole gauging of interest and whatnot when it comes to guys. He's the first guy I've met in a long time that I find attractive AND that I'm actually interested in moving beyond our office banter. I guess only time will tell, and I'm not stressing over it.
I continue to be completely happy being single. Of course I hit my rough spots, but all in all, I love having my freedom and am embracing every moment that I am able to be single :) To that end...I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (if that ever happens anyways). I've narrowed it down to two options...and I even think I've decided between the two. Right now, as I type, I have tabs up on my browser...each representing where I want to see myself in the next few years. The first tab is job openings for education positions, the second is the EPI program at Polk that I need to take in order to get my permanent certification, the third is the Masters in Reading at USF that I want to obtain, the fourth is the house I really want to buy and the fifth is the car that I'd like to buy after I finish my Masters. It sounds like a lot, but it's really a progression of steps that I want to take towards my future. I loved teaching middle school reading, and that's what I want to do.
The other option that I have been looking in to was my Masters at Wake Forest, and then on to editing for a publishing company. And while this does seem like me in a lot of ways, I have this overwhelming desire to teach, to have my summers to myself, and to inspire a new generation to learn how to fall in love with books. I have this whole theory that if we could teach kids to find what they love to read, they will have an easier time reading the things that they don't love. That's how it always worked for me. I, of course, am an exception to the rule...I loved everything.
It's kind of cool to be on the edge of these choices. And I love that I am single and don't have to worry about someone else when I am making them. I can choose what's best for ME. How can anyone not see that as a blessing?
I am looking forward to this journey and the road ahead of me. It will be interesting to see where it all goes.
Met "School Boy" on Friday night. It was awkward but I just tried to be myself. He seems like a nice guy. Not really my type...really tall, really skinny, but like I said, he was nice and he handled my family pretty well, so that gave him some extra points. Mom is still in love with him and I think she's already planned our wedding. Got to love her.
Meanwhile, I am still interested in seeing if anything progresses with "Salt and Pepper" (that's what my co-worker calls the older student who I swoon over every time he walks through my door). I've never been really good at the whole gauging of interest and whatnot when it comes to guys. He's the first guy I've met in a long time that I find attractive AND that I'm actually interested in moving beyond our office banter. I guess only time will tell, and I'm not stressing over it.
I continue to be completely happy being single. Of course I hit my rough spots, but all in all, I love having my freedom and am embracing every moment that I am able to be single :) To that end...I am still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (if that ever happens anyways). I've narrowed it down to two options...and I even think I've decided between the two. Right now, as I type, I have tabs up on my browser...each representing where I want to see myself in the next few years. The first tab is job openings for education positions, the second is the EPI program at Polk that I need to take in order to get my permanent certification, the third is the Masters in Reading at USF that I want to obtain, the fourth is the house I really want to buy and the fifth is the car that I'd like to buy after I finish my Masters. It sounds like a lot, but it's really a progression of steps that I want to take towards my future. I loved teaching middle school reading, and that's what I want to do.
The other option that I have been looking in to was my Masters at Wake Forest, and then on to editing for a publishing company. And while this does seem like me in a lot of ways, I have this overwhelming desire to teach, to have my summers to myself, and to inspire a new generation to learn how to fall in love with books. I have this whole theory that if we could teach kids to find what they love to read, they will have an easier time reading the things that they don't love. That's how it always worked for me. I, of course, am an exception to the rule...I loved everything.
It's kind of cool to be on the edge of these choices. And I love that I am single and don't have to worry about someone else when I am making them. I can choose what's best for ME. How can anyone not see that as a blessing?
I am looking forward to this journey and the road ahead of me. It will be interesting to see where it all goes.
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