On My Way Out

This is my last full week at Warner Southern College. It's strange, because I know that it is really happening, but at the same time it feels surreal, almost mystic in ways. I seem detatched, but I don't want to be. I want my emotions to flow freely, not to be frightened to let the tears fall, or scared to be angry. This weekend I told someone that it bothers me that I cannot truly give myself over to my emotions. In most areas I feel as though I need justification for my emotions. It is not truly ok to feel the way I do until someone tells me it is ok.

Take this weekend for example. I got hurt. I cried. Then I felt guilty for feeling hurt. I thought maybe I was just overreacting. Maybe it was wrong for me to feel hurt by this person. It wasn't until I was sobbing on the phone with a friend that I felt it was ok to be upset, because my friend said it was ok. I think the thing that hurt the most about it, was that the person that hurt me is supposed to be my best friend.

As I talked to my co-worker today I told him that maybe it's because I am leaving that I have a low tolerance for BS, and that I want to tell people how it is. I'm not sure, all I know is that the closer I get to leaving, the closer I get to telling people off. I don't think this is the healthiest expression that I have ever had, but it is the only one that I feel right now. I am ready to leave. I will miss everyone, but it is time.