Right now my life is on a crash course, just asking to come spiriling down to an ugly halt. Every day I wake up and try to go about my life as though there is no need to worry, but inevitably the stress and axiety catch up with me and all I can think about is how badly I'm going to mess everything up. I know, I know, I shouldn't worry about things like that. We all mess up and we all have choices, but for me life seems to be overwhelming right now. I don't know what I will do when the time finally comes to make that last choice. Do I go or do I stay? More than anything right now, I just feel like running away.
Most of this weekend I've thought about my life and where I am headed. I keep thinking that I have it figured out, that I know exactly what I want, and then just as quickly it is gone and my mind has gone somewhere else. I live each day in a constant state of anxiety. Always wondering, always worrying. I want to care, but then I don't. I am so tired of thinking that I would love to just flip the switch and turn my brain off right now. It would work well for me. I over analyze, and my life seems to be more trouble than its worth at the moment. Don't think that I want to end my life...while that is the easy way out, it is not the out that I want. I am just tired of trying to figure it out. More and more, all I want is to leave, to escape, and to never look back.
Maybe I am doomed to a life of ordinary, and maybe I will never escape, but I know that I have to try. Because if I don't, then I will always wonder.
1 comment:
you are never doomed to any fate. we choose are fate and you are destined for greatness. You have a divine touch of greatness that has been placed within you soul don't ever settle for second best becausse of this gift you will be continually unsatisfied. In addition you do not walk alone. Speaking as someone that perpetually lives in the "what if" and "what might have been" don't ever succumb to it. Follow your dreams and visions so what if things don't always work out as planned that is fine at least you have tried and did your best. You learn so much that way.
So let go, let go, it's all right, there is beauty in the breakdown
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