It's been a while since my last blog...I think that I have been in a somewhat melancholy state of mind and my writer's block falls into place during these times...I have also been trying to come to grips with the reality around me...I feel as though I have been somewhat detatched recently...I hate that feeling...
Life tends to come at us in ways which we don't expect...sometimes these ways are gladly recieved while at other times we are left wondering why our experiences have led us here...I think that right now I am stuck somewhere between those two places...I know that as you (my dear regular readers) read my thoughts you can see the up and down emotional rollercoaster that I experience almost on a daily basis...This rollercoaster has hit a few steep downward moments in the past month or so...
Emotionally my life has been rough as of late...I have spent more time with my tears than I have in almost a year...I hate that...It scares me to think that I could lose control of everything that has become stable...I have embraced my somewhat sane existence...and to think that that delicate world is threatened...frightens me beyond words...
I know that things can only get better...and that there must be something big out there for me...but I kind of wish it would just happen you know? It would just all fall into place...so that I no longer fear the unknown, but that I take it as it comes...that I see what lies ahead...and I look in that direction without fear...
I have been plagued with fears recently...the fear that I will never accomplish anything...the fear that I will fail all those around me...the fear that I have become something others depise...the fear that I will always be alone...the fear that I will never be good enough...I don't want to fear anymore...I want to embrace hope...because my hope in Him is the only silver lining I see right now...
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