...My heart might, but the tears feel as though they help. Somehow when I cry, it is as though the pain is slowly leaving me. What am I doing? What have I done? I am not me anymore...I am only a shallow shell of the person I was. When did I make that turn? When did I choose to be someone I'm not? I don't even know who I am anymore...I have become the girl behind the mask...
I don't like her so much these days...
I have let myself become someone who can be used by others...I am stronger than that...I thought I knew what I was doing...I thought I knew what I wanted...I thought they cared...
silly me...
I never wanted anything from them...I never wanted what I knew they could never give me...I just wanted to feel wanted...even if it was just an illusion...I knew it was an illusion...
Is this really so hard...to find someone who actually wants to be with me...I honestly thought there was something to me...but maybe I'm wrong...maybe all that I have ever tried to be...well...no one wanted her...and even now I only have illusions to follow me around...tomorrow maybe reality will come and then I won't be alone anymore...
I wanted nothing from them...and I suppose that's what I got..
2 comments:
Why did you stop in September?
Your happiness does not depend on another. Enjoy the journey, be happy and thankful for what you do have and you will attract others of like mind eventually finding a person who shares your goals, faith , desires and more. Put yourself physically where you need to be to find someone who may share your interests in life. Develop interests in many things, enlarge your world.
Speak up when someone hurts your feelings, don't let it pass as if it were nothing. It's something, you're something. You know it, God knows it and not even your mother should be allowed to hurt your feelings without a word said. Things can change in a moment if you are where you're supposed to be so stick to your principles and hang in there. We're rooting for you.
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