Worthy?

For anyone who has been keeping track...I don't have much luck in the relationship department...I tend to like guys who do absolutely nothing for my self-esteem. The last guy that I really liked was a complete moron in knowing how to treat me. Yet, I continued to put myself in the same situations. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I suppose I had reached some form of insanity when it came to him. He even told me that he was willing to help me change who I am so that I can meet the right guy. Funny thing...I kind of like who I am.
The other day...a guy who I considered to be my best guy friend told me I deserved more. I agreed. Then he asked me if I was worthy of what I deserved. I knew exactly what he meant. I stopped going to church a long time because of bitterness and hurt...and I just stopped caring. I felt that he was being judgmental...and then he said he wasn't. Then...after knowing that he hasn't walked the super straight and narrow recently either...he tells me he has a girlfriend. I think the thing that made me upset was what had made him all of the sudden "worthy" of this girl, and what made me NOT "worthy" of the right guy? I will not argue that I have a long way to go when it comes to rebuilding my relationship with God (I mean, this blog is all about my own judgement and bitterness...both of which work against the goal of right relationship)...but how dare you tell me that I am not worthy, when you aren't any more so than myself.

It made me mad. It hurt me.

I don't know...this is just my place to rant...my place to talk because I have no one else to talk to. So there it is...a rant.