Analogy

One thing I would like to do this year is find a church that I want to attend regularly. It's been such a long time since I felt at home in a church. I was thinking about it tonight and feel that I have come up with the perfect analogy for how I feel about church/ministry right now.

I would equate the way I feel about ministry to that of an injured athlete. Let's say, for example, that I had been a star soccer player, one of the best on the team (I'm not saying I was one of the best Christians out there, but I was heavily involved in ministry), and then I suffered a severe injury that left me unable to play the game I love. Even after physical therapy, I am not the same athlete as I was before, and there are times that I don't feel like trying because I don't feel as though I will ever be good enough again.

I constantly feel this way when it comes to my spiritual walk. I have been hurt. I am bitter and angry and feel meanness in my heart towards people. I don't want to feel this way, but I don't know how to get up off the bench and try again. Even if I'm not the same player, at least I'm in the game, right? I don't want to get burnt again.

Funny thought I just had...I have this guy in my life, and I keep going back to him, knowing that in the end I'm going to get hurt again...so why is it I'm willing to keep letting him break my heart, but I'm not willing to let the church hurt me again? Maybe it's because I feel like those are the people who should love me no matter what...I don't really know. What I do know is that I have been injured and I just can't seem to bring myself back around to even a fraction of the desire I used to have to play the game.

I need to get out of this and get back on track, but I honestly don't know if I can.