Living My Life Through Someone Else's Eyes

Today I was having a conversation with my cousin, and she said, "I think it's good that you don't care what anybody else thinks" and I told her that "I wished that I never cared about what people think...but sometimes I do" and she said..."You don't act like it." What I love the most about this conversation is that I generally feel like I care what people think too much. How amazing it is to think about what other people think when they look at you and watch you  life.

I thought about how she must see me and I realized that I am not like most people my age. I have different priorities and a different idea of what fun is.This, of course, tends to leave me lonely most of the time. I have tons of friends, but I don't have a group of friends that I can hang out with and who enjoy doing the same things that I do. I try to step out of my bubble of what I consider "my world" and try to explore others' but I always find myself going right back to where I know I belong.

I told one of my closest friends that I wanted to get dressed up and go out to bring in the new year. We were VIP at a club in downtown St. Pete. It was my first time to ever step foot into a club. I had fun. We danced a lot and laughed a lot, but most everyone there was drunk, they were dancing all up on each other (I stayed in a group with a few girls and we were even dancing pretty close). And there was a moment when I stood there and thought, I don't want this to be my life. I don't want to go to clubs and get wasted. There has to be more to life than that. I don't feel like this makes me a stick in the mud, I think it just means that, again, I have different priorities and a different definition of fun.

My cousin seems to think that this means I don't care about what others think, and I guess to some extent she's correct, but more than anything, last night taught me something about myself. I learned that I know myself better than I give myself credit for. I am 30 years old and I've never been to a club for a reason. I knew, even before I was there, that  it wasn't my scene. Like I said, I had a blast, but I probably would have had just as much fun, at home, with my parents and in bed by 12:01.

I look forward to all that this year has in store and I can't wait to see where my life is headed and where I will end up. 2012 is my year of possibilities and I am open to all that comes my way. I hope that I can also live my life so that I don't base my decisions on what others think...