I never write on here anymore, but I really should. Writing is cathartic. It cleanses the palate and makes many things more bearable.
So what is it that brings me here at this late hour? Bitterness.
Bitterness is evil. It creeps upon you and engulfs you in a way that catches you by surprise. At first, you realize something is happening, but by the time you know what it is, there is no way to stop it. Right now, I am bitter. I don't want to be. In fact, what I want more than anything, is to put this computer down, crawl under my covers, and sleep. However…all this does is make me more upset as the thoughts roll around inside my head of the hurt that has turned into this evil creature.
I've decided that's what bitterness is. It is hurt magnified.
I spent the last year of my life working on a project that became my child. I spent every extra hour researching and culminating my findings into this beautiful presentation that others loved, but ultimately, all of my time and effort were thrown out.
Previous to that, I spent three, almost four years on another project that was never going to be what I wanted (yet I put my usual passion and fervor in to it). Now…these two projects are merging together and I'm hurt. I'm so incredibly hurt. And that hurt just welled up inside me and came spilling out as bitterness.
I know there must be a switch somewhere that will turn the bitterness off as quickly as it came on, I just don't know where it is. I'm ready to move on from this, but that means more than I think I can handle at the moment. I will get through this...
