Jumping in Head First

Let's jump head first in to the shallow water. We might not survive, but at least we can say we took the risk.

I think that the risk of heartbreak might be the single greatest risk that one could ever take. They say it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, but is it really? I don't think anyone could convince me that experiencing love could truly be worth the loss. I suppose I say this because I have never been that close to real, genuine love. When I do get close I run as far away as I can. I can't remember one guy who I let in that didn't hurt me in some way, and so I leave up this barricade that keeps them out.

So here we are, standing on the cliff knowing that we could be risking it all and trying to weigh out whether or not the risk is worth it. Your heart has been mishandled and you're not sure that you want to take the chance that it might be bruised again, or worse yet, broken. I have yet to find someone who I believe can truly love me, and I'm still not sure that you are that guy. Neither of us wants to take the step, but we are both tired of staring at the water. It should be easier, this whole love thing, but it's not. I feel as though I go round in circles waiting for someone to stop me and say, "hey...go that way", and get me out of this eternal groove. I need to break out of this reel that has me continually coming back to this same exact place.

I think mostly I am scared that you could actually be the one. I never actually imagined that love would be slow growing. I always thought it would be instantaneous. I believed that I would be swept off my feet and madly in love, but this feeling that I have right now has developed over time. This feeling has grown from respect and admiration. It was never my intent to fall for you, and I don't want to admit that I have. I pretend as though you mean nothing to me, yet all the while you have burrowed your way in my heart. Stupid burrowing man who has taken residency in my heart...you're like an infestation. And yet, I cannot deny that you have my complete attention. I'm addicted to you, and I'm not quite ready to break the addiction.

So...do we jump, or are we just going to stand here and stare at the possibilities?