So...my life has been great recently...I actually love my life...feel like I am going in the right direction, feel like my life is finally as it should be...Then last night I cried so hard...I hate crying...it makes me feel as though the world has won and I have lost complete control...
How is it that I can go from feeling as though everything is as it should be to feeling so very miserable? I was praying today as I was driving and I began to think that I am being hit where it hurts the most. It's like this...all summer I've been great with the no relationship thing, I'd even felt as though I had totally given this part of my life to God...notice the past tense there...? Well I guess the last few weeks it has been on my mind and my heart and I have just let it get the better of me...I cried so hard last night...crying to God, "When is it going to be my turn?"
Now I know that I am not old...I have plenty of time left...but as Rebekah and I were talking about today...I finally feel as though I am right where I need to be in life...I don't know what else I need to do to be ready for God to give me someone...I have waited and I have been so good...why is it that I just can't find someone to love me? That's all I want...someone that loves me...who won't look at me like I am crazy even though I am...I just feel as though I am never going to find someone...and there will always be someone out there that they would rather be with...and I hate when the enemy deals such a low blow...
I just don't want it to hurt...I want to truly seek God and I know that this is only a distraction...I want to give Him my all...because I know that He has something amazing out there for me...something truly special...better than anything I have ever imagined...Just keep me in your prayers when you think about it...I know that a breakthrough is coming...IT BEGINS!!
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