The last few days have been more than amazing! God has changed something within me and my life actually feels as though it has meaning again. It's like when you're driving and you get lost...you feel panicked and somewhat worried...but when you are back on the road that you know will lead you home, you feel safe and reassured. These last few days have given me those feelings of safety and reassurance. I am no longer worried about what has become of me...instead...I am now focused on what lies ahead of me and what God has in store for my life. I have always known that God has a bigger purpose for my life...and now...I feel that I am actually chasing after it...
I wish I could put into the words the freedom that I am feeling right now...yesterday I said...I don't think that I have ever been happier in my entire life...I feel weightless...I feel as though every burden has been taken from me and I am now freer than I have ever been...this is the greatest feeling...and it's not the fake...I've been to the best service or camp or revival...this was a genuine encounter with God...I feel as though God has taken me from my lowest low and placed me on my highest high...I am communing with Him...we are talking everyday...yes...every day I hear something new from God...
This freedom...this amazing feeling that I am on the right track...this is worth it...worth all of the bad that I've gone through to get here...THIS is the moment that I am choosing to live a life devoted to him...no longer stuck in a rut of mediocrity...I am giving him my all...everything...I lay it down...here and now...my life is nothing without him...he is my all in all...
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Disney and Real Love
Cinderella
So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love
Beauty and the Beast
Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise
Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast
Sleeping Beauty
I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream
What is it about Disney Princesses? I look back now and realize that those fairy tales give off a false sense of hope. Mostly it is our own view of the tale that makes it that way. We generally think, now why can't I have a happy ending like that. But, look with me, if you will, at the journey they took to get to that love. Cinderella lost both her father and her mother and was left in the care of a woman who treated her as a servant in her own house. She was forced to live in an attic and take care of the things they should have hired someone else to do. She gets to go to the ball only to leave after meeting an amazing man. She gets locked in the attic and only barely gets out in time for her to reveal that she is the one that the price loves. Yes...in the end she gets the prince...but I very seriously doubt that it was a happily ever after. She probably dealt with abandonment issues, and was possibly even a little OCD when it came to cleaning the palace. There would be times when she wouldn't know how to communicate with her husband, and he would probably get a little frustrated with her at times. Yes, they would love each other...but things for Cinderella were and would be far from perfect.
Now let's look at Belle. She has no mother to speak of and ends up taking care of her father when it should be the other way around. She lives in a little town and aspires for something more. She ends up trapped in a castle, made to make nice with a literal beast, and is forced to be away from her father (the only one she's ever known love from). I don't know about you, but I am not really all that jealous of Belle's journey to love. And would they have trust issues? Think about it, the whole reason they ended up together is because the Beast forced her to be there (and yes, I know he eventually let her go)...but would they be able to trust each other completely?
Aurora...This girl is made to live a complete lie (talk about having some trust issues)...She grows up not knowing her mother or her father. She's raised by three women in the middle of the forest. She has no friends. She is so lonely. And then the truth is revealed her to. I can't imagine what it must have been like to find out that the people you trusted with everything, even your love, had been lying to you your entire life. Then she is tricked. She is placed in pretty much a coma...and is completely helpless. And once she and Phillip are together, what will thier happily ever after be like? I think it would take a while for her to trust completely. And what about the whole parent thing. She has to get to know her parents. That would be so wierd.
This is something that I have always found funny about romantic movies...yes, there is generally a happy ending (if there weren't then what would be the point of watching it)...but what about all of the stuff that led up to that. The Wedding Planner is my favorite movie to analyze when it comes to this. Mary was engaged and then cheated on at her wedding shower. She then led a very lonely life. She was all work. She had shut all chances of love out. Then, when she thinks she might have found the guy that could change all of that he winds up being taken. Not just taken, he was a client. All the while, her father is trying to match her up with the guy from Italy...she almost throws away her love for Steve for safety and the chance that love might come to her. Yeah...she gets the guy in the end...but do we really want to have to go through all of that just to get the happy ending?
I believe that love is something worth having, but instead of romantically fantasizing about our happy ending...let's make the journey to that love...yeah...let's make that journey the happy part of the tale...and let's not forget that once that love is found...it is not the end...but the beginning...
GOD IS LOVE...and that is something that we have to know...we have to believe...we have to hold on to...because He is the author of our love stories...He has the script...we're just following His lead...
So this is love, Mmmmmm
So this is love
So this is what makes life divine
I'm all aglow, Mmmmmm
And now I know
The key to all heaven is mine
My heart has wings, Mmmmmm
And I can fly
I'll touch ev'ry star in the sky
So this is the miracle that I've been dreaming of
Mmmmmm
Mmmmmm
So this is love
Beauty and the Beast
Tale as old as time
True as it can be
Barely even friends
Then somebody bends
Unexpectedly
Just a little change
Small to say the least
Both a little scared
Neither one prepared
Beauty and the Beast
Ever just the same
Ever a surprise
Ever as before
Ever just as sure
As the sun will rise
Tale as old as time
Tune as old as song
Bittersweet and strange
Finding you can change
Learning you were wrong
Certain as the sun
Rising in the east
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast
Tale as old as time
Song as old as rhyme
Beauty and the Beast
Sleeping Beauty
I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
the way you did once upon a dream
What is it about Disney Princesses? I look back now and realize that those fairy tales give off a false sense of hope. Mostly it is our own view of the tale that makes it that way. We generally think, now why can't I have a happy ending like that. But, look with me, if you will, at the journey they took to get to that love. Cinderella lost both her father and her mother and was left in the care of a woman who treated her as a servant in her own house. She was forced to live in an attic and take care of the things they should have hired someone else to do. She gets to go to the ball only to leave after meeting an amazing man. She gets locked in the attic and only barely gets out in time for her to reveal that she is the one that the price loves. Yes...in the end she gets the prince...but I very seriously doubt that it was a happily ever after. She probably dealt with abandonment issues, and was possibly even a little OCD when it came to cleaning the palace. There would be times when she wouldn't know how to communicate with her husband, and he would probably get a little frustrated with her at times. Yes, they would love each other...but things for Cinderella were and would be far from perfect.
Now let's look at Belle. She has no mother to speak of and ends up taking care of her father when it should be the other way around. She lives in a little town and aspires for something more. She ends up trapped in a castle, made to make nice with a literal beast, and is forced to be away from her father (the only one she's ever known love from). I don't know about you, but I am not really all that jealous of Belle's journey to love. And would they have trust issues? Think about it, the whole reason they ended up together is because the Beast forced her to be there (and yes, I know he eventually let her go)...but would they be able to trust each other completely?
Aurora...This girl is made to live a complete lie (talk about having some trust issues)...She grows up not knowing her mother or her father. She's raised by three women in the middle of the forest. She has no friends. She is so lonely. And then the truth is revealed her to. I can't imagine what it must have been like to find out that the people you trusted with everything, even your love, had been lying to you your entire life. Then she is tricked. She is placed in pretty much a coma...and is completely helpless. And once she and Phillip are together, what will thier happily ever after be like? I think it would take a while for her to trust completely. And what about the whole parent thing. She has to get to know her parents. That would be so wierd.
This is something that I have always found funny about romantic movies...yes, there is generally a happy ending (if there weren't then what would be the point of watching it)...but what about all of the stuff that led up to that. The Wedding Planner is my favorite movie to analyze when it comes to this. Mary was engaged and then cheated on at her wedding shower. She then led a very lonely life. She was all work. She had shut all chances of love out. Then, when she thinks she might have found the guy that could change all of that he winds up being taken. Not just taken, he was a client. All the while, her father is trying to match her up with the guy from Italy...she almost throws away her love for Steve for safety and the chance that love might come to her. Yeah...she gets the guy in the end...but do we really want to have to go through all of that just to get the happy ending?
I believe that love is something worth having, but instead of romantically fantasizing about our happy ending...let's make the journey to that love...yeah...let's make that journey the happy part of the tale...and let's not forget that once that love is found...it is not the end...but the beginning...
GOD IS LOVE...and that is something that we have to know...we have to believe...we have to hold on to...because He is the author of our love stories...He has the script...we're just following His lead...
Friday, October 26, 2007
I don't know...
Today is one of those days. I don't know if it is because I'm sick and I don't feel well, or if there is some other underlying reasoning, but I miss Bartow today. I miss my family and my friends. I miss Sundays. I miss Pastor Tommy and his family...Sonny's after church...watching football games that I could care less about...I miss Lana...SO much...I miss my parents and Megan and Bruce and Brandon and Rebekah...I just do...I miss my students...I miss Tayor the most...I wish that I were there so that I could see them all...
The funny thing is...I love my job...what I'm doing is amazing...these kids are my life. I am part of a family here, but they are all I have and for the most part they are enough...but there is the small part of me that is lonely for companionship. I fill the void quite well with trips to Bartow...but I am missing something...and I feel it desperately...
The thing is...my relationship with God has been improving...I am no where near where I want to be...but I know that I am taking steps to get there...I just feel as though I am walking around wanting something that I can't even describe...maybe the reality is that I know what I want...I'm just scared of it...I'm scared to admit it...because somewhere in the back of my mind I am afraid that I will only be broken again...
Why is it that we are scared of brokeness...It is such a beautiful thing and all that we go through to get to that point is usually worth the pain...maybe...my fear is keeping me from something amazing...maybe my fear is holding me back...I don't know...but today...I sit here alone...wishing that I could let go of my fears and embrace the possibilities...
The funny thing is...I love my job...what I'm doing is amazing...these kids are my life. I am part of a family here, but they are all I have and for the most part they are enough...but there is the small part of me that is lonely for companionship. I fill the void quite well with trips to Bartow...but I am missing something...and I feel it desperately...
The thing is...my relationship with God has been improving...I am no where near where I want to be...but I know that I am taking steps to get there...I just feel as though I am walking around wanting something that I can't even describe...maybe the reality is that I know what I want...I'm just scared of it...I'm scared to admit it...because somewhere in the back of my mind I am afraid that I will only be broken again...
Why is it that we are scared of brokeness...It is such a beautiful thing and all that we go through to get to that point is usually worth the pain...maybe...my fear is keeping me from something amazing...maybe my fear is holding me back...I don't know...but today...I sit here alone...wishing that I could let go of my fears and embrace the possibilities...
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sleepless Nights...
I spend many nights awake when I should be long asleep. It has been something that has plagued me over the last few months. I can't explain why. Most of the time I look at my periods of insomnia as chances to re-examine what is going on in my life. I would sit here and say that I use these times for prayer and supplication, but that would be a lie. I guess tonight is somewhat different though. Tonight I realize that when God wakes me in the night...maybe He has something to say.
I feel that God has been trying to talk to me a lot recently. He's been talking to me about where I am spiritually...where I am going in my life...and why I have been running away from him so fervently. I know that He wants me to examine my heart...He wants me to realize that He's not done with me yet. He has placed a great calling on my life, but part of me has always been scared of my calling. I fear that I won't accomplish all that I know He has set for me to do. I am scared that I will fail. I am scared of the opposition I will face. The thing is, I've known this for a long time. I didn't used to be scared. I don't know why I am now. Maybe it is because I can actually do what He has called me to now. Maybe it is that what was once a dream could soon become reality.
I hate that I used to be stronger. In the past there is no way I would let the attacks of satan keep me from what God has placed in my heart. I have let other things become priority in my heart, and that is how satan has gotten to me. He knows that my desires to feel loved and wanted have come to the forefront of my mind and heart. He has exploited these wants and desires and now they are being used against me.
I think that tonight, as I sit here typing this, God is revealing many things to me. I know that I can go to sleep peacefully tonight and expect to sleep through until morning. And tomorrow when I wake I will face the challenges head on. I will no longer turn my back to my calling, but will push forward. God placed these dreams in my heart for a reason. He has made it clear to me that He is not giving up, He is not backing down. I can do this! I know...because God promised that I could do ALL things through Him...and HE will give me strength...
I feel that God has been trying to talk to me a lot recently. He's been talking to me about where I am spiritually...where I am going in my life...and why I have been running away from him so fervently. I know that He wants me to examine my heart...He wants me to realize that He's not done with me yet. He has placed a great calling on my life, but part of me has always been scared of my calling. I fear that I won't accomplish all that I know He has set for me to do. I am scared that I will fail. I am scared of the opposition I will face. The thing is, I've known this for a long time. I didn't used to be scared. I don't know why I am now. Maybe it is because I can actually do what He has called me to now. Maybe it is that what was once a dream could soon become reality.
I hate that I used to be stronger. In the past there is no way I would let the attacks of satan keep me from what God has placed in my heart. I have let other things become priority in my heart, and that is how satan has gotten to me. He knows that my desires to feel loved and wanted have come to the forefront of my mind and heart. He has exploited these wants and desires and now they are being used against me.
I think that tonight, as I sit here typing this, God is revealing many things to me. I know that I can go to sleep peacefully tonight and expect to sleep through until morning. And tomorrow when I wake I will face the challenges head on. I will no longer turn my back to my calling, but will push forward. God placed these dreams in my heart for a reason. He has made it clear to me that He is not giving up, He is not backing down. I can do this! I know...because God promised that I could do ALL things through Him...and HE will give me strength...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I've Had My Moments
I have been so many things. I have been the girl who has done everything right, and I have been the girl who has done everything wrong. It seems that recently I have chosen to be someone I never intended to be. It is so much easier to live a life where you choose not to be accountable, yet this life also brings with it much strife. I think I've been running from God. I think that I just got tired of telling Him I was sorry. I got tired of giving Him another excuse. Instead, I just stopped talking.
Today I got a package in the mail. It seems that God is not done talking to me. He really has a way of making sure He gets your attention. It was from my cousin. God had really been laying me on her heart. She sent me a card and a letter and a notebook. She reminded me that God isn't done with me yet. He has great plans for me, if I will just let Him take over.
I am so tired of making things a priority, when today, they don't even matter. Tomorrow is not a promise, so I have to be the best me that I can be today...I am tired of looking back over my moments. I want to live my moments right now. I used to be a better person. I used to care more. I used to want more. I don't even know when I stopped being me. I don't know when I chose to take the easy road. I do know that I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for something new.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Do I Deserve More?
Recently it has been brought to my attention that I might be settling for less than what I deserve. I happen to have a problem with this. Not that people are telling me this, but that I generally do settle for less. I don't know if it is that I have a savior comlex and I am looking to save someone, or if it is just that I want to be with someone who is more messed up than I am…but I tend to be attracted to the kind of guy I really shouldn't be spending the rest of my life with.
Every guy that I have been in a relationship with has been emotionally unavailable…even when I was in the relationship with them. Beyond that, I tend to be drawn to the kind of guy that is pretty much not what I have always wanted. I am a hopeless romantic. Give me the flowers and the cheesiness of it all…I still love it when a guy shows you that they care. Even though that is the case, I tend to date guys that do not have one romantic bone in their body. Their idea of romance is that they want to make out with me…I need more than that.
I need someone who wants to take the time to know my quirks…my likes and dislikes…I want a guy who realizes he should never buy me a rose…because daisies are my favorite flowers…I want a guy who knows I would rather stay in and cook together than to go out to a restraunt…I want a guy who opens the door for me, without me having to say something about it…I want a guy who tells me he loves me…and I never have to ask why…I want a guy who will be the spiritual head of our relationship…I want a guy who is smart…and funny…who knows how to take a joke…who loves kids and will put up my mood swings…who finds my incessant talking charming…and more than wanting or needing things…I truely believe that I deserve them…
So…why do I settle? Is it the desire just to be wanted…no matter what the cost is…? I guess…I'm tired of settling…and I am tired of lying to myself. Take for instance, my recent relationship follies…I want to believe that this guy is the right guy, but there are factors that make me question all of this…so…if I am constantly trying to convince myself that he could be right…aren't I doing a diservice to myself…???
Something to think about…
I know that I do deserve more than I am letting myself have…I am selling myself short and…that's never what God intended…
Every guy that I have been in a relationship with has been emotionally unavailable…even when I was in the relationship with them. Beyond that, I tend to be drawn to the kind of guy that is pretty much not what I have always wanted. I am a hopeless romantic. Give me the flowers and the cheesiness of it all…I still love it when a guy shows you that they care. Even though that is the case, I tend to date guys that do not have one romantic bone in their body. Their idea of romance is that they want to make out with me…I need more than that.
I need someone who wants to take the time to know my quirks…my likes and dislikes…I want a guy who realizes he should never buy me a rose…because daisies are my favorite flowers…I want a guy who knows I would rather stay in and cook together than to go out to a restraunt…I want a guy who opens the door for me, without me having to say something about it…I want a guy who tells me he loves me…and I never have to ask why…I want a guy who will be the spiritual head of our relationship…I want a guy who is smart…and funny…who knows how to take a joke…who loves kids and will put up my mood swings…who finds my incessant talking charming…and more than wanting or needing things…I truely believe that I deserve them…
So…why do I settle? Is it the desire just to be wanted…no matter what the cost is…? I guess…I'm tired of settling…and I am tired of lying to myself. Take for instance, my recent relationship follies…I want to believe that this guy is the right guy, but there are factors that make me question all of this…so…if I am constantly trying to convince myself that he could be right…aren't I doing a diservice to myself…???
Something to think about…
I know that I do deserve more than I am letting myself have…I am selling myself short and…that's never what God intended…
Monday, October 15, 2007
Putting God In a Box
Have you ever realized how often we put God in a box? We tend to think that we know what is best for our lives, and we let God know what that should be. What we need to stop and realize is that God doesn’t need our opinion or our approval. What He needs is for us to be obedient, and to lay down our plans for His. I think we get so caught up in the planning of our lives, that we often forget God already has a plan.
I was talking with a friend today. Where she is at right now, and some of the things she’s experiencing are kind of cool. She had a secret admirer. It was cute and charming, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about all of it. She thought that maybe he wouldn’t be her type, or that he wasn’t going to be what she wanted. Once he revealed who he was, she still wasn’t sure. She’s going out with him this weekend for what will be their first date. As I was talking to her, it made me realize that we need to be open to possiblities. It’s when we close ourselves off to those possibilities that we are putting God in that little box of ours.
I know that I am guilty of this most of the time, especially when it comes to relationships. I have been riding this rollercoaster for so long, going back and forth from feelings of contentment, to feelings of resentment. One moment I am happy and thrilled that God has allowed me to be single, and then there are other times when I am so angry at God for making me be alone. What I have failed to realize is that I just need to let it go. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, or even tried, it’s just that I didn’t realize it was so important. Instead, I hold on to the temporary satisfaction of a relationship here and a relationship there. To be completely satisfied I need to hand it all over to God.
That is so much easier said than done. Letting go of something we hold so dear is a hard thing to do. It will take time, but in the end it will be completely worth it.
I don’t just want to be in A relationship. I want to be in THE relationship. I know that God has it out there…I just have to stop putting him in the box…I need to realize that His power over my love life is much greater than my own…I have to realize that there are possiblities out there…and God is ready to show me the ones in my life…if I will just let Him…
I was talking with a friend today. Where she is at right now, and some of the things she’s experiencing are kind of cool. She had a secret admirer. It was cute and charming, but she wasn’t sure how she felt about all of it. She thought that maybe he wouldn’t be her type, or that he wasn’t going to be what she wanted. Once he revealed who he was, she still wasn’t sure. She’s going out with him this weekend for what will be their first date. As I was talking to her, it made me realize that we need to be open to possiblities. It’s when we close ourselves off to those possibilities that we are putting God in that little box of ours.
I know that I am guilty of this most of the time, especially when it comes to relationships. I have been riding this rollercoaster for so long, going back and forth from feelings of contentment, to feelings of resentment. One moment I am happy and thrilled that God has allowed me to be single, and then there are other times when I am so angry at God for making me be alone. What I have failed to realize is that I just need to let it go. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, or even tried, it’s just that I didn’t realize it was so important. Instead, I hold on to the temporary satisfaction of a relationship here and a relationship there. To be completely satisfied I need to hand it all over to God.
That is so much easier said than done. Letting go of something we hold so dear is a hard thing to do. It will take time, but in the end it will be completely worth it.
I don’t just want to be in A relationship. I want to be in THE relationship. I know that God has it out there…I just have to stop putting him in the box…I need to realize that His power over my love life is much greater than my own…I have to realize that there are possiblities out there…and God is ready to show me the ones in my life…if I will just let Him…
Monday, October 08, 2007
Today I Miss My Friends
It's funny...because as much as I love them...I do not always miss them...but today...I thought about them and started crying...I miss them all so much...and I don't want to be like...why the heck do I miss them...but...why the heck do I miss them so much today...??? I don't know...maybe it's the fact that I haven't seen some of them in three weeks...CRAZY!!! I was having my once a week fix there for a while...but I took the fix away and now I'm having withdrawls...
It's hard...because I'm happy here...really truely happy...but there are times when I just miss people...and today has been one of those days...I just want to cry...because I want to...and in an hour when I have the kids...I won't be so lonely and I won't think about it all that much...but today...for now...I miss you all...
I really, really do...
It's hard...because I'm happy here...really truely happy...but there are times when I just miss people...and today has been one of those days...I just want to cry...because I want to...and in an hour when I have the kids...I won't be so lonely and I won't think about it all that much...but today...for now...I miss you all...
I really, really do...
Sunday, October 07, 2007
My Love Poem...
I've posted this once before, but it has been on my mind recently...so here it is once more
Unrequited Love
By Jessica R. Buchanan
Words spoken without contemplation
Have caused my heart the aggravation
Of torture, anguish, sorrow, grief
From these things find I no relief.
That I laid to rest a love unspoken
That threatens now to never be awoken
Leaves me with the bitter thought of this,
To never find love lost or that love's first kiss.
I've never known love to be absolute
And so I have chosen to be resolute
In my findings. I've stood unyielding
All along my heart I've been shielding
From the pain that has damaged my existence.
As for the reason of my resistence,
I've been unable to believe in love so pure
Thus when it was spoken I was unsure.
Won't you please hear my feeble cry?
My heart is broken, and so am I,
To think your affection would waver
Because of a conviction which did quaver.
Do not let these mistaken words once stated
Be the source of a friendship dissuaded.
I do not know myself untrue
Please know that if I could I would all undo.
Second chances are not my lot in life
And so in these words I rid myself of strife.
You can only love so long without love in return
This is a lesson I have woefully learned.
In these truths I reveal my soul
Knowing the time has come for me to let go.
I lay down this burden I have carried along
Without regret, for it has only made me strong.
Unrequited Love
By Jessica R. Buchanan
Words spoken without contemplation
Have caused my heart the aggravation
Of torture, anguish, sorrow, grief
From these things find I no relief.
That I laid to rest a love unspoken
That threatens now to never be awoken
Leaves me with the bitter thought of this,
To never find love lost or that love's first kiss.
I've never known love to be absolute
And so I have chosen to be resolute
In my findings. I've stood unyielding
All along my heart I've been shielding
From the pain that has damaged my existence.
As for the reason of my resistence,
I've been unable to believe in love so pure
Thus when it was spoken I was unsure.
Won't you please hear my feeble cry?
My heart is broken, and so am I,
To think your affection would waver
Because of a conviction which did quaver.
Do not let these mistaken words once stated
Be the source of a friendship dissuaded.
I do not know myself untrue
Please know that if I could I would all undo.
Second chances are not my lot in life
And so in these words I rid myself of strife.
You can only love so long without love in return
This is a lesson I have woefully learned.
In these truths I reveal my soul
Knowing the time has come for me to let go.
I lay down this burden I have carried along
Without regret, for it has only made me strong.
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