Recently it has been brought to my attention that I might be settling for less than what I deserve. I happen to have a problem with this. Not that people are telling me this, but that I generally do settle for less. I don't know if it is that I have a savior comlex and I am looking to save someone, or if it is just that I want to be with someone who is more messed up than I am…but I tend to be attracted to the kind of guy I really shouldn't be spending the rest of my life with.
Every guy that I have been in a relationship with has been emotionally unavailable…even when I was in the relationship with them. Beyond that, I tend to be drawn to the kind of guy that is pretty much not what I have always wanted. I am a hopeless romantic. Give me the flowers and the cheesiness of it all…I still love it when a guy shows you that they care. Even though that is the case, I tend to date guys that do not have one romantic bone in their body. Their idea of romance is that they want to make out with me…I need more than that.
I need someone who wants to take the time to know my quirks…my likes and dislikes…I want a guy who realizes he should never buy me a rose…because daisies are my favorite flowers…I want a guy who knows I would rather stay in and cook together than to go out to a restraunt…I want a guy who opens the door for me, without me having to say something about it…I want a guy who tells me he loves me…and I never have to ask why…I want a guy who will be the spiritual head of our relationship…I want a guy who is smart…and funny…who knows how to take a joke…who loves kids and will put up my mood swings…who finds my incessant talking charming…and more than wanting or needing things…I truely believe that I deserve them…
So…why do I settle? Is it the desire just to be wanted…no matter what the cost is…? I guess…I'm tired of settling…and I am tired of lying to myself. Take for instance, my recent relationship follies…I want to believe that this guy is the right guy, but there are factors that make me question all of this…so…if I am constantly trying to convince myself that he could be right…aren't I doing a diservice to myself…???
Something to think about…
I know that I do deserve more than I am letting myself have…I am selling myself short and…that's never what God intended…
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