Standing Still

This weekend I went and saw First Daughter and there was a line in there that struck a cord in me. She said, "Do you know what it is like to never be alone, and always feel lonely?" I think that is so profound and prevelant. I mean, think about it. We walk around in this world surrounded by people, but how many of them are actually are friends? How many of them actually care? This weekend I realized that I have become exactly what I've never wanted to be...a silly girl.

I was pursuing something I did not want and when I realized what I was doing I was competly angry with myself. I felt so stupid. I went to a volleyball game on Friday night (Go Royals!), and on the way home I sat in the back seat and felt like crying. I have never been the girl that people talk about behind her back, but on Friday night I have never felt so small. I thought to myself that my biggest problem is that I need to be around people that aren't from Warner. My life is Warner, and when I am not at Warner, I have nothing. I know this is not true, but right now I feel like it is the absolute truth.

The weekend did get progressively better. On Saturday I cleaned the apartment. I mean I really cleaned it. I swept, mopped, dusted, vaccumed, and even cleaned the toilet. It was the most fun I have had in a long time. After that I went shopping for food, ate dinner, took a shower and then Faith picked me up and we went to the movies. I loved that movie, and whoever that hottie was I wouldn't mind getting paid to kiss him. I laughed and cried (again, a silly girl). I had fun.

Sunday I went to church. I love my church. I feel at home there, and our pastor is such a good man. I love his kids too. Candace is adorable, and the two boys, what cuties. I got home and made lunch, and then I watched Walking Tall. It was pretty good. Then I went for a walk. I walked for an hour and it felt so good. It helped me clear my head and made me feel so much better.

I guess in the end I realized that life is just beginning, and there is no reason to stand still any longer. I refuse to let people push me around, and I refuse to let the things that surround me bring me down.