I have a habit of making lists that I never actually get around to getting around to. I make lists of what I want to do for a day, a week, in five years...but I am standing here at a year and a half away from my 30th birthday and I think it's about time to stop playing around and start getting down to business. I want to get serious about the changes I want to see in my life I want to write the words down in a place that I will constantly come back to and see them staring back at me. Does that mean I'll actually get them accomplished? I don't know...but it's worth a shot, right?
-I want to get back to God. I have been running for so long and I had finally gotten to a good place and then, just as easily I slipped back into a routine that continually pulled me away from him. I want to spend time in devotions and prayer every day. I want to find a church that I feel comfortable in and that allows me to worship freely.
-I want to finally lose this weight that I have said for years that I would lose and have instead gained more that I need to lose. I want to get up every morning and work out. I want to eat right, not just because it's the right thing to do, but because one day when I do have a family I want them to come into this world with health a priority and life to be lived without the self-confidence issues I've always faced, and I need to find that balance now so that my children never have to. I want to enjoy going to the gym...I want it to be something I do even when I don't feel like it because I know it's what I need to do. I want to be strong...and I really, really, really want to start dancing again. I miss being able to let dance be the way I express myself other than writing.
-I want to write! I want to make writing a daily part of my routine. I want to finish a novel. I want to write something meaningful. I want to blog on a regular basis. I need to write. I need to get these words out of my head and on to the pages. No one in this world ever has to see them, or appreciate them, but this is something I need to do for me.
-I want to have deeper, more meaningful relationships with people. I want to be ok with not having a "group of friends" that I hang out with all the time, as long as I can have friendships that are lasting...that will last despite distance and time. I want to know that if my friend moves to Africa, we will still be friends because the relationship we have now is more than hanging out...but something real and deep that is strong and will hold up against all odds.
-I want to stop being so hard on myself. I want to be able to admit that sometimes things hurt me and that I don't always have to be perfect for everyone...I just have to be me. I get so tired of trying to live up to some standard that I have in my head that I think everyone is expecting me to live up to...but I'm the only who has to live with my choices and who I am...so I want to stop thinking about other people as much...and think about myself a little more.
I think those will be the things I will start on. I want to live a life that I can one day look back and be proud of. I need to stop missing out because I'm too scared. I am looking forward to these next few months...because it is my goal to make my life a better thing before the end of the year...I guess you could call this my mid-year's resolution list. :)
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