Tiny Little Baby Steps

I feel that I am constantly growing as a person, but sometimes my growth feels as though it takes too long. I think that living in a time of instant gratification, we expect things to happen right when we want them to. I suppose I should enjoy the process and take each moment as it comes, but sometimes that just doesn't work. I get frustrated and annoyed and I just can't seem to understand why things don't happen how I want them to when I want them to.

Timing...it's a funny little thing. I'm a big believer that everything happens exactly when it needs to and seves a purpose...no matter how small it may seem at the time. That does not make it easier to wait for the things we want the most. I am constantly trying to get a tight grip on patience...but I just don't have the...um...patience to get it :) I think that my life is going in the right direction, but sometimes the timing of it all seems a little slow at times. I constantly look at other people my age and wonder how I got so far behind. The majority of my friends from school are all married and even working on expanding their families. Granted, I do not regret not getting married at a younger age, but there are times when I wonder why waiting is something I have to do.

When I talk about waiting, I am not just talking about marriage and family, but career and even why I can't seem to get motivated to do what I love the most, which I write. I used to have the greatest ambitions of being a famous author...now a days, I don't long for the fame, but merely the accomplishment of putting my words out there for others to take in. I want to write something that is life changing or relatable. I want someone to pick up the obscure book in the corner and marvel and word choice and think to themselves, wow, this person must have seen the depth of me.

I am trying to take the tiny little baby steps towards the life I want. I have so many dreams and goals that I have yet to accomplish... I often fear that I have wasted so much time on things that mean nothing and have let the things that do mean something lay in wait. They are now covered with the dust of years gone by and now it is my job to wipe away the cobwebs and renew the dreams of the past. I don't want to watch my life go by and have been merely a spectator. I want to LIVE my life. And so now...I take these steps and live...for that is all I can do.